‘The Wedding Stationery’ by Sylvia Tan – Jong

Sylvia at her wedding to Jonathan - in the Maldives!

The Wedding stationery

I’ve always believed in the old adage that first impressions are the most important.  The wedding venue, dress, flowers and even miniscule details like best man gifts are often at the top of every bride’s priority list. Alas, many tend to forget that the first impression a couple makes on their wedding day – starts even before guests cast their eyes upon the gorgeous Vera Wang dress or savour the sumptuous ten-course meal. The wedding day begins from the moment the first wedding stationery is sent out.

I recalled a vivid memory of receiving a wedding invite from the most stylish couple I know. The invite came couriered, our names were handwritten and even the invitation card was flawlessly printed on crisp thick woven-pressed paper held together by a delectable cream and lavender ribbon. Everything was almost perfect, but as my eyes scrolled down the penmanship, there was not one but two grammatical errors. Unfortunately, most of us mortal souls cannot help it and still judge a book by its cover. Needless to say, that very stylish couple threw a very stylish party, yet that imprint of grammatical errors never left my mind throughout the whole wedding. It is amazing how the first impression can leave such a long after-effect.

The Wedding invite

A funky invite by Ohplay (wedding invite designers)

The wedding stationery is usually the first notion a couple makes that so publicly reflects their tastes and tenor of the wedding. The wedding stationery may include save-the-date cards, RSVP cards, thank-you notes and many more. However, most tend to concentrate on the actual wedding invite itself. Frequently, wedding invites are chosen based on the overall wedding theme i.e. a traditional Balinese wedding theme is often accompanied by Balinese styled invites. Most guests have seen enough of the ‘double-happiness’ logo on a red and gold card, or that very tacky invitation card with photos of the happy couple. If your guests need to be reminded of what you look like, then they probably should not be invited to the wedding!

There isn’t a right or wrong way to choose your wedding invite. However, the invitation cards should infer a sense of originality and imagination. Start out with the basics such as the colour of the background. Wedding does not necessarily mean ‘white’ or ivory only. Certain brides choose to express their sense of style through use of colour whether it is in the most vivacious burgundy or a subtle meadow green. The more traditional wedding invites are portrait and folded, but for the modern bride a simple square design is preferred.

Add on a few personal touches such as a decorative motif (imprints of hydrangeas or peonies to reflect your bridal flowers, motifs of seahorses for a beach wedding) or monograms of your initials may be used. Lastly, you may add on more decorative effect such as a delicate gross-grain ribbon or vintage lace as a binder. The stationers often charge a small fortune for such ribbons, therefore if you would like to save a few pennies, venture into the haberdashery, buy the ribbons in bulk and tie the invitation cards yourself.

Less is more for the wedding stationery. The more motifs or patterns there are, the more expensive it is to print. Hand-engraved wedding invitations with edging ribbons are also very costly. Therefore, my advice would be to keep the wedding stationery as simple as possible. If you approach only the wedding stationers, the mere mention of ‘wedding’ often doubles the price tag. Hunt around your local printing shops, you may be surprised at how flexible they are with price and how creative they are. You may need to provide them with your own basic design but this will bring out your creative flair and rest assure that your invites will be one of a kind! My wedding invites were printed by an art design company who deals with fashion and advertising, hence I managed to save on the pennies and yet tap into brilliant artistic talent!

Lastly, if the wedding budget is tight, save on everything else and go for a simple classic design. Buy yourself a calligraphy set and you can hand-write your invitations to provide an elegant and personal alternative for a smaller wedding. Skimp on everything, but never skimp on the quality of the paper that you print on. I would suggest no less than 110lbs or 500g/m2.

Wordings of the wedding invite

Get that grammar right!

The most valuable advice from all my bridal friends is to get the wordings and grammatical errors checked and re-checked before printing. Have the words spelt checked by friends, by family, even by your high-school English teacher, go onto the internet and look for sample wedding words, do whatever it takes to get the basic English language right!

Wordings of the wedding invite are often tricky and the invites vary depending on how formal your celebration will be. Some couples also choose to include an additional page using ‘Chinese’ or ‘Malay’ wordings. Invitations are always sent from whoever is hosting the wedding. Unlike the British culture, Malaysians tend to favour the groom’s name first. However, it is better to check with both parents on the order of the wordings.

When there is only one celebration, the traditional wordings should be as such:
Mr & Mrs Matthew Lim and Mr & Mrs Peter Soon request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children Benjamin Lim and Kathy Soon at …

When there is more than one celebration, the wordings will depend on the party that is hosting. If it is the groom’s parents hosting, then the wordings for the invites are:
Mr & Mrs Matthew Lim request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son Benjamin and Miss Kathy Soon at St Mary’s Church on…

When the bride’s parents are hosting, then the wordings should be as such:
Mr & Mrs Peter Soon request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Kathy to Mr Benjamin Lim at St Mary’s Church on…

The wording becomes more complicated if parents are divorced or if the couple are holding the event themselves. Under such circumstances, it is better to again, discuss the wordings with the parents. Afterall, the wordings of a wedding invite can be written in a thousand ways. The main thing is to try not to upset either side of the party by getting the order of the words correct, and also by ensuring that the few words you actually print are grammatically correct. An example of a simple mistake often made is: Mr & Mrs Matthew Lim request, not request(s)!

My last words

Jonathan & Sylvia

Here are a few tips regarding the wedding stationery:

- ‘Save the date’ cards are often the first stepping stone, especially for guests who reside out of town or are inflexible with their schedules. Order these first and send them out at least six months in advance.

- The wedding invites should be ordered only after the number of guests is approximated. I would suggest ordering the invites at least three months prior to the wedding.

- For uniformity, all wedding stationery should be ordered at the same time. Therefore, decide beforehand if you would require other stationery such as invitations for pre-wedding celebrations such as rehearsal dinners, luncheons, table cards, church wedding programme and thank you notes.

Finally, Audrey Hepburn once said ‘you can tell what kind of a person a man really thinks you are by the earrings he gives you; and you can tell what kind of a marriage it will be by the words you pen through!’ Good luck!