Mix Marriage Wedding Tips : Chinese/Malay Weddings
30 Apr
Nowadays mix marriages are becoming very common in Malaysia and around the world for that matter (both Steph and I are products of mix marriages in fact). Recently, WGA reader Fara contacted us and asked about mix marriage wedding tips. After doing a fair bit of research and contacting a Malay friend who recently married a Chinese man (thanks Niz!), I came up with this post.
When you mix two very different cultures, you need to take extra care in maintaining a balance and keeping both sides of the family happy. In this case, the cultures differ tremendously and each one has their own specific tradition when it comes to weddings. Here are a couple of tips that might be helpful if you find yourself in a bit of a pickle.
Courtesy of FIFOTO
What to wear
Ah, the big question… Generally for the akad nikah, the bride should be in more conservative attire (baju kurung or kebaya) whereas the groom wears the baju Melayu. For the tea ceremony, maybe change into a beautiful cheongsam or kwa. As for the reception, go for anything that suits your fancy (and that goes with the theme of course).
Food
Well, there won’t be any pork (obviously) and pretty high odds of there being yamseng because no alcohol is being served. Try to serve something that reflects both cultures – after all, both the Malay and Chinese are known for their yummy food :) You’ll be spoilt for choice!
Mocktails, anyone?
The Picking up of the Bride and Tea Ceremony
Marrying a Malay man or woman doesn’t mean you have to refrain from carrying out Chinese traditions such as picking up the bride and conducting the tea ceremony. In fact it will be a lot of fun considering the whole procedure is new to the Malay side. In this case, to respect of the Malay side of the family alcohol and pork should be crossed out (unless of course the family is very liberal).
The Hantaran
The Hantaran is a vital part of any Malay wedding and it usually isn’t omitted no matter what race the bride or groom may be(as long as one is Malay at least!). What the couple choose to give in the hantaran depends solely on them as long as it respects both cultures. If the bride is Malay and the groom is Chinese, cheongsams and songket materials are a cute gift to have as one hantaran. It could symbolise embracing the others’ customs.
Courtesy of FIFOTO
The Reception
There is always gonna be a bit of a hurdle when planning the reception, and a lot of give and takes. This is because while it is the norm for Chinese weddings to serve alcohol and food made of pork, it is the complete opposite with Malay weddings. You could either choose to not serve any alcohol at all or specify which tables should be served alcohol. As for the popping of the champagne, try sparkling grape juice, you’ll get a similar effect!
Afterparty
If you happened to stumble across our post on Donovan Tho’s wedding, you would have noticed that the couple chose not to serve any alcoholic drinks during the reception, instead they saved that for the afterparty. Afterparties are definitely the place that friends and families can enjoy cocktails, wines and champagne (the real stuff!).
When planning the wedding remember that you have to respect both cultures, customs and keep both sides satisfied. At the end of the day you’re gonna have a blast at your wedding because you get to enjoy the best of both worlds. Hope this helped and happy planning! x
Thank you for responding & posting the tips!!! :) Hope to get more in the future XD
You’re welcome Fara! Hope it helped! :)
What a great post, Samira!
Mix marriages are beautiful and I do find that it is the best time to celebrate the differences of culture while bringing them together.
Thank you Niz!
I totally agree with you on that x
i must agree…this is a good post. And yes we must respect both cultures.. but most important is, we MUST respect the Islam Religion. Tho’ u marry someone from a Non-muslim, you got to respect the Muslim. None of the events shall be serve Alcohol. Not even after party.
Thank you
Hello Hello.. My friends keep on bugging me to checkout your blog.. one of em told me to checkout this part, because my wedding’s coming soon.. and I’ve been complaining to them about the hassle and fuss that i’ve been going through towards all these! :P
I am a Muslim and my husband to be is non-Muslim Chinese, and one thing both our moms share is that they would love for me to wear wedding gowns that covers my arms.. I found my favourite(laced, three-quarter sleeved) … online! I promise, I’ve not found any that fits the description~ I could only find tubed, if not halter neck wedding gown.. why oh WHY don’t they have sleeved and lacey wedding gowns in Kuching.. I have 3 months left.. save me! :(
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like me :P
i’m dating with chinese guy but he dont want to dispointed his mom to convert to islam.is there any possible way for us? we love each other.
Hi Natasya!
That’s a tough one.
How would you feel about migrating? There are many parts of the world where non-Muslims marry Muslims without converting (USA, Indonesia etc.) but do bear in mind the law is not the only thing to worry about. If, however, you have already worked out the complications of raising kids with different religions and how to handle judgmental relatives… Yes, we know it’s messy. But if you know what you want then go for it! I wish you all the best xoxo