Hello boys & girls – here’s an article from a ‘special guest’ writer, Chuong Van Dang. I met him through Henry Golding and found out that he was actually my neighbour! So over our usual coffees, foot massages and what not – I convinced him to pick up a pen (or rather keyboard I should say) and share his thoughts on writing his ‘Best man’ speech. As I post this article… he is in transit in Dubai and heading back home to London for the wedding. Expect post pics and feedback on his speech in two weeks :)
Mr. Chuong Van Dang in London town
I once heard the opening salvo of an unforgettable best man speech. He started with “Giving a best man speech is like having sex with the Queen Mother. No-one wants to do it, but it’s an honour to do so.”
He was a very brave and foolish man. He also burnt in flames.
This burning effigy has been the basis to my recurrent nightmares, as I too, have been given the dubious honour of being the best man for an upcoming wedding. It has led to many sleepless nights, and has now led to me sharing my thoughts with you at 4am on a Friday.
Humour and entertainment are the domain of the best man speech, for it must be funny and must make people laugh. I am not a stand up comedian. But now I feel their pain. Night after night, they must perform and have people rolling in the aisles. The pressure to win over the audience must be immense. No wonder they all have nervous breakdowns.
The best man only has one performance. So how do you bring the house down?
1. Do not get drunk. Everyone remembers the drunken best man who slurred his words and probably groped the bride later on the dance floor.
2. Preparation, preparation, preparation. Even if the day is a year away, write a draft now. Thus, when the date gets closer, you have something to work on. If you haven’t rehearsed the speech beforehand, then good luck. If you wrote the whole speech the night before – then the best of luck to you. If you’re still writing it in the car on the way to the wedding, perhaps you should get drunk. That way, perhaps you can blame the drink for your performance.
3. Be tender and personable. If you can’t do funny, go from the heart. Lavish praise on the bride, build the groom up as the best guy in the world, and you’ll be guaranteed a night with the bridesmaid.
4. Which pertinently brings us to the next point. CHOOSE your anecdotes carefully. Your remit may allow you to embarrass the groom, but his grandmother does not need to hear about the time he relieved himself on a child when drunk in Langkawi.
Just always remember, that you were chosen because you were considered the best man for the job. Bear this in mind when the focus of attention on the day suddenly turns to you!
