Courtesy of Fifoto Photography
Okay, so maybe after countless family weddings and poking my nose in the affairs of a few friends, I may still be no expert on marriage but some things really are more common sense than anything else. Hands up if any of the following has ever crossed your mind in the midst of planning your big day…
Money matters
This is a tough one. The sheer diversity of problems related to finances alone is enough to give anyone a headache – lack of money, lack of control, too much money, too much control, where does it all end? But ask any parent over the age of 50 and they’ll tell you that the solution is simpler than you may think. In the old days, couples and their parents would set a specific financial target and save up. These days, a lot of youngsters prefer to just spring a surprise on their parents and plan a wedding based on the limited resources that they have (which is never much when you haven’t quite gotten into the habit of saving just yet). No guesses as to how stressful this could end up. Perhaps financial planning for a wedding should come way before you even begin to draw up a budget.
Mother knows best – right?
Maybe. In many cases, wedding planning turns out to be the first time mother and daughter (or even mother-in-law and daughter-in-law) really argue, even if they had been close all along. And no wonder. I can’t even begin to describe the trauma a mother experiences at the thought of her daughter being taken away from her, or the anxiety that comes with a daughter’s fear, venturing into the unknown – and lets not forget the pressure of putting on a great show for all the family friends. Let Mom down easy. A lot of mothers consider the perfect wedding as one last gift for their children before they leave the comforts of the family home to start their own. So why not just let her give you that?
And when it comes to the mother-in-law… well, that’s a definite sensitive arena! Remember, you don’t want to be arguing with her forever and ever, so bite your tongue if you have to and take the politically correct approach. You know the golden rule (esp in Asian cultures), R E S P E C T your elders! Even if deep down you think they’re wrong *wink*.
When you're both wearing the 'pants'....
Making decisions together
Most brides tend to think of the wedding as her day, as opposed to their day. Remember girls, it wouldn’t be much of a wedding without a man to get married to now, would it? So this means just as much to him as it does to you, and we’re more than certain he would appreciate being allowed to be a part of the planning. Thus, don’t hurt his feelings by immediately ruling out his suggestion of La-Z-Boy recliners for the guests without at least discussing it. Even if you do end up making all the decisions, give him due respect and let him know his opinions matter. And then let him down gently… haha.
And with that I leave you with a few words from our favourite bride Elaine:
“Like working in a business together, we have to have our own defined task. If I am handling the decorations and Eddy is working on sorting out the music list, we work on our own (finding the right vendors, coming up with a list of songs) before sitting down together at the end of the day and agreeing on what we both like. In my case, when I handled the decorating of the ballroom and I told Eddy what I thought was nice for the wedding, he trusted my decision. However, I just had to let him know what to expect of the wedding. At the end of the day, it’s not about controlling and making sure everything you want goes to plan, it’s about compromising – a good test for the other future decisions in life you will make together.”
As the saying goes WGA readers, make love not war!
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